Umm, Remember Me? I Totally Understand If You Don't...

Wow. It's been over a week since I've blogged. And I aaaam sorry. My job has been super busy for tax season, and I've been working late almost every day. I like to post my blogs during lunch, but I've been working through lunch and blah blah blah, 8 days later and here I am, begging for forgiveness to all 5 of my readers (hi Mom!).

The good news is I've been doing really well, even with my crazy schedule. I didn't get to work out as much as I would have liked to last week, but I was still 212lbs on Friday! I haven't seen my number that low in 2 years!

I made it through the weekend without doing too bad at all. We went to Ohio to visit Jon's grandma, and went to Denny's for dinner (classiest). I got their new veggie burger that comes on a whole wheat bun with baby spinach and pepper jack cheese. They put the mayo on the side too. I did eat all my fries, but saved half the sandwich and had it the next day for lunch.

Sunday my family came over for dinner. I made lasagna and broccoli. We had fresh italian bread and my mom brought stuff to make angel food cake for dessert. It was such a nice evening. I didn't overindulge, and I even walked the Stairs of Death with Murray before my family got here. Working out on a Sunday??? That's crazy talk!

It was nice out on Monday, so I came home and walked the previously mentioned Stairs of Death with Murray. Maybe I should clarify: I walked around my neighborhood and finished off by climbing said Stairs of Death.

Last night I went to a 90 minute Zumba class with Allison. It was good. Super sweaty, and maybe 90 minutes is a bit much for a class, but my favorite instructor from my old Zumba studio taught part of the class and it was so good to see her. She was diagnosed with leukemia last year, and I'm assuming she's doing well and in remission. Like Allison said, if Dani can teach a Zumba class after having cancer and going through chemo, we have no excuse not to work out. Ever.

Allison and I were supposed to take some progress pictures this past Friday, but we ended up not seeing each other at all this whole weekend! I hated it. Anyway, I took a few on my own. I feel like there's a difference, but who knows.

2-11-11



2-11-11



3-11-11

3-11-11

Maybe there's a difference? The jeans definitely felt looser.

Today my boss asked me how much weight I've lost. It's always a good feeling when people notice.

Anyway, I know tomorrow is another busy day for me. Hopefully by Friday things will be calmer and I'll talk to you bloggers again!

xoxo








Nonfat Tuesday

It's Tuesday already! I was so busy all day today, I didn't have a chance to write anything this morning or at lunch.

I had a gyno appointment today, and we talked a lot about PCOS. She really seems to think I have it, and for the first time in all my years of going to doctors, I really felt like this doctor was empathetic and truly wanted to help. She had me get blood work done right away, and I meet with her again in 2 weeks to go over the results. I expressed my frustration in my sloooow weight loss, but she said I'm doing everything right. She even said if I wasn't already on Weight Watchers, she'd recommend it for me.

I met with my trainer today, and it was a good workout, as usual.  My knees are really bothering me today though. It could be because I wiped out going UP the stairs at work yesterday and spilled coffee everywhere. My boss heard me fall, and pointed out all of the coffee stains on the carpet from him falling. It made me feel better and forget about my throbbing knee. At least for a little while.

Oooh, I almost forgot. I had my measurements taken last Thursday with my trainer. My folder is upstairs, and I'm lazy, so I'll post them tomorrow. I wasn't super happy with my results, but there were some changes.

Also, weirdly enough, my weight went back down. The only thing I can figure is that I had a pretty big dinner Sunday night and maybe that affected it? I don't know. As of this morning I was 213.8, which is my lowest yet. I really needed to see that low number. I was starting to get pretty discouraged, and I could feel myself slipping a little bit.

So, I tried something new for dinner tonight: tofu shirataki noodles! Have you ever tried them?

The instructions say to rinse well and to heat for at least 60 seconds to get rid of the "distinct odor" which is a little disconserting, but I followed the instructions and mixed them with some fake ground meat and spaghetti sauce and voila:





Texture wise, I'd say it's a cross between regular spaghetti and spaghetti squash. Either way, it was delicious and the whole bag was only 1 point! Way easier to make than spaghetti squash. I think it's going to be my new pasta substitute.

I feel like between my doctor appointment, training and my new spaghetti, a fresh wave of motivation has come over me. This whole journey is as much about losing weight as it is getting healthy for me.

I just feel good tonight.

xoxo

Sigh

This weekend was rough.

FRIDAY
It started out good. I had Friday off because my best friend from college, Travis, was coming to visit. I woke up early, and took my dog on a long walk and climbed the Stairs of Death. I was feeling good. I had an apple before my walk, a veggie burger for lunch, and some steamed veggies later on in the day before dinner. We went to this new burger placed called Burgatory (awesome). We left early thinking we'd be elderly and eat dinner at 5:30 on a Friday, but it ended up taking us over an hour and half to get there, thanks to traffic and my GPS being 100% wrong. We also had a 75 minute wait for a table, so naturally we did some shopping. I bought a cute orange rain/spring jacket. I think it's the first orange piece of clothing I've ever owned. Allison and Travis really liked it, so I went with it. It helped that it was pouring rain all night, and the new jacket had a hood.
Dinner was awesome. I got a veggie burger (shocking), and I don't know if it was just that I was just so hungry, but it was one of the best veggie burgers I've ever had. The burgers come with homemade potato chips, and they use regular and sweet potatoes. Also, they have all of these crazy milkshakes, both alcoholic and non. Travis and I both got a non-alcoholic caramel pretzel milkshake. Holy crap, was it good. I only had about half of the milkshake, and half of my burger and took the rest home. I was still uncomfortably full, which would turn into the theme of the weekend.
We went to 80s night at the bar we always go to, and it was fun. Not too crowded since the local colleges are all on spring break (wooo!), so that's always a plus.
The next part is what ruined me for the weekend. We all came back to my house, and sat around the dining room table talking and playing board games. The next thing I know, it's 5 in the morning and my mom is calling me because Jon butt dialed her. 5 IN THE MORNING!!! As soon as I realized what time it was, I went to bed. And didn't wake up until noon, which brings me to...

SATURDAY
Sloth

SUNDAY
Sloth

MONDAY
3lb gain

Ugh.

I did eat too much this weekend. I didn't binge, but it's safe to say I wasn't logging my points at all. 

Depending on what minute and what hour it is, I'm either feeling super motivated or super discouraged.

It makes me so mad that it took me a month to lose 7 pounds, and in 3 short days I could gain 3 of those back. I'm hoping that they'll come back off fairly quickly. I'll keep everyone posted.

xoxo

It Has Been 10 Days Since My Last Binge

Did anyone watch this week's Heavy? I DVR'd it on Monday and watched it last night. Food addiction is a crazy thing. I felt like with the woman, I could have been watching an episode of Intervention. There was a lot I could relate to, especially with the closet eating (although, I think she would literally eat in the closet).

I do feel like I'm making strides with my eating. I'm home a lot by myself, which used to be my favorite time to pig out. I haven't binged since February 19th. I also haven't skipped a workout since that weekend.

Yesterday was a day full of temptations. Our house was seriously lacking in the grocery department, so I kind of threw my lunch together with what we had, and I wasn't looking forward to eating it. I hate not being excited about my lunch. I was tempted to order something small with the rest of the office, but I decided against it. And you know what? My lunch wasn't that bad at all. I didn't have enough food for the afternoon, and I forgot my post-gym banana, but I still turned down my boss' offer to buy us all frozen yogurt from the place up the street. I know I could have had some yogurt, and still maintained my points, but it is a very slippery slope for me. I was afraid I'd eat the yogurt and not push myself at the gym like I would have normally, or go home after training instead of doing my cardio.

As it turns out, I had my days mixed up and I train today and Thursday. Even though I was hungry, I forced myself to do my 60 minutes of cardio. Then, the hunger voice started.

"What am I going to make when I get home? I have no groceries."

"I could go the other way home and stop at Whole Foods and get something from their hot foods buffet."

"I do have a ton of points left for dinner. I wonder how many points macaroni & cheese is?"

(I hope this doesn't make me sound schizophrenic, but it literally is a battle with myself.)

I ended up just going straight home, and stayed well within my points. I made some pasta with that Ronzoni Smart Taste rotini. I added some spinach and marinara sauce. Along with some fat free cheddar. For my garlic toast (which I always need to have with pasta), I toasted one of those garlic herb wraps I mentioned before, and spread a Laughing Cow cheese wedge on it.

It's funny (and by funny, I mean gross and no wonder I weigh this much) how many servings of pasta I used to make for myself. I would have a full giant bowl and add tons of cheese.

This is an actual serving:

Was it a ton of pasta? No. Was I satisfied versus stuffed to the point of feeling uncomfortable? Yes. I'm pretty into that feeling!

For dessert I had some fat free cool whip and frozen fruit. There was no picking at things while I was waiting for my food to cook (an old, very bad habit of mine), and I drank a bunch of water last night too.

SUCCESS.

xoxo

My First Whole Month of Operation Stop Being a Fatass (sorry Mom)

It's been a whole month already. I kind of really hoped to have lost more than 8 pounds my first month, but I know that's still good. It's been tough, but worth it.

I've mentioned before that I can tell my body is getting stronger, and it's something I've never really experienced before. It's such a weird feeling. I've never been thin, and I don't think one can really "get back in shape" when never being in shape to begin with.

I've been able to up my cardio more than I ever thought possible. I'm looking forward to the weather changing, and being able to do more outside stuff.

Tonight I meet with Trainer Andy, and I'm sure it will be a legs day which means I will hate my life from about 5:30 today until next Monday when I stop being sore and get to start it all over.

xoxo

Weekend Recap

Hola, lovers. What a lovely weekend. Friday night, Allison came over, and we the made the cauliflower pizza recipe I found on the blog, Escape from Obesity (You should check out her site. She's really inspiring and has a ton of recipes.). It was surprisingly good! Who knew that substituting pizza crust with cauliflower could be so tasty? We tweaked the original recipe a little bit. We made 1 and a half servings, and I didn't have enough mozzarella cheese so we used some fat free cheddar too. Also, I used 1 and half regular eggs instead of buying Egg Beaters (they are too expensive and I'm too cheap). 

Allison's side got a little burnt in the broiler, but she said it was actually really good a little extra-crispy.

Even Murray couldn't tell the difference.

It was a perfect Friday night meal. We did a Biggest Loser DVD beforehand, and both talked about how nice it was not to be too full. It was just the right amount of food.

Saturday morning we went to Zumba and it ended up being a gorgeous day. I got home and was starving, and so was Jon. I knew he wanted to order a pizza, but he wasn't willing to order a smaller sized one so we didn't pig out. He can be stubborn. I suggested I could make a good lunch (and selfishly keep it healthy for me). I made veggie burgers with sauteed green peppers & onions on a low fat bagel with fat free cheddar and ketchup & mustard, jalapeno & cheddar pierogies, and asparagus on the side. It was really good, and again the perfect amount of food.

Saturday night was Lady Gaga. My camera battery was dead and I have no idea where my charger is, so I only have a few blurry pictures from my phone. We went to Allison's before hand, and had some snacks and a ridiculous drink Allison made. It was super sweet, but good.

Our friend Jess is very pregnant, and her boyfriend made her a shirt that said "Little Monster Inside Me"

Awesome stage

I did have a few drinks that night, but stayed away from beer and had rum and diet Coke. It was such a fun night. Allison and I had a sleepover, and stayed up way too late talking. I woke up kind of early and drove home.

I told Jon since we didn't order pizza Saturday, we could Sunday. I ordered a grilled chicken salad (chicken on the side, and Murray has been getting some delicious treats). It still had french fries and cheese on it, but I was ok with that. Jon still insisted on ordering an extra large white pizza. The pieces were cut pretty narrow, so I did have 2 slivers. Even though Sunday is my day off from working out, I wanted to get some form of exercise since food wise, I ate more than I would on a normal weekend. I decided to take Murray on a super long walk through my neighborhood. There are so many streets I haven't been on yet, and I wanted to explore. It was an absolutely beautiful day out yesterday.

One of my fitness goals is to be able to walk from the flat part of my neighborhood, up to the slopes, where I live. Jon does it all the time, but I was afraid I'd get so far up and not be able to make it the rest of the way. I tested myself yesterday and did about 2/3 of the walk. I did get out of breath, but my legs felt strong the whole time. This is the view from the top of the set of steps I took. It probably shows about half of the climb.

I had Murray with me, so there were breaks taken for peeing and sniffing, but we made pretty good time!

I didn't expect to lose weight this weekend, but I wanted to at least maintain, so I had a very light dinner of cauliflower mashed potatoes. I used a wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese to make them creamy. Again, surprisingly good!

So that was my weekend. My weight this morning was 215.8 which means I lost about 2.8 pounds this past week and I am happy with that.

xoxo

The Scale And I Are Not On Speaking Terms Right Now

I've been uneasy about sharing my actual weight on this blog. What if someone I know (besides my close friends and family) reads it? Today I decided I don't care. I will never be this number again, so I might as well let people know.

I WEIGH 217.2 POUNDS

Aaaah, I feel liberated. Back at the beginning of February I was 223. My highest weight ever was 229 and that was about a year ago. My lowest weight in the past year or two was 208. So there it is. My goal weight is between 145 and 150. I'd like to weigh less than my boyfriend.

It's so crazy though how quickly my motivation can go out the window. I mentioned yesterday that the scale finally moved. I finally got away from that one number I've been hovering around for weeks (damn you, 217!). I was a little doubtful of it, but scales don't lie, right? The weird thing about weighing myself yesterday was it gave me 3 different numbers (210, 212 and 213) each time I stood on it. The number I decided to accept was actually the highest of the 3, as to avoid any disappointment later on. Fast forward to this morning: 217.2 all 3 times.

WTF? (sorry mom)

Since I've really been having trouble losing this time, I've gotten into the bad habit of weighing myself every day. Every day I step on the scale hoping that it will reflect my hard work and most days I'm disappointed. This morning was no exception. I was right back to the annoying number! Gah! It's. Just. So. Frustrating. And that was all it took. It's rainy, cold and miserable outside. The zipper on the boots I wanted to wear today wouldn't go up, I forgot my gym shoes, I got stuck in annoying traffic and was late for work. I almost ate a bagel for breakfast. I even went as far as to look up the Points value, but I didn't feel comfortable not knowing the exact nutritional information. I guess that's a good sign. So, as tempted as I was to have half a blueberry bagel with light cream cheese, I opted for a bowl of oatmeal.

Something occurred to me a few minutes ago though. I'm wearing a pair of my "before pics" jeans. I couldn't remember how poorly they fit, and haven't looked at the pictures since I took them off my phone. I thought they were just really uncomfortable, but they just really didn't fit.

Don't mind the mess, or the granny panties.

myspace

I definitely see a difference. I neeeeed to start focusing on positive changes in my body, the way I feel, and my energy level. Enough of obsessing over the scale. I'm done.

Random thoughts:

-Since my boots wouldn't work this morning, I had to wear my black flats I had in my gym bag since I was running so late.

Perfect for this weather:

-There are 2 people at my gym that I can't figure out. The first is this tall guy I see every day. He reminds me of a caveman. He has crazy pre-dread dark hair, and a spotty beard. I actually think he might attractive, but I can't get past the tank tops and short shorts he wears! It's so distracting! Yesterday I saw him in his regular clothes, and he was very well dressed. I'm thinking he's European. I wish I could take a picture, but this is as close as I could find from Google Images (sans the tube socks):

The 2nd person is this well kempt older woman I've seen quite a few times who only ever drinks out of a Wendy's cup with a straw. So strange.

Anyway, I'm so happy it's Friday. I'm going to see Lady Gaga and The Scissor Sisters tomorrow night with my lovely ladies, Allison , Jess, Darrin & Todd.

Have a fabulous weekend!

xoxo

Weight Watchers Is Magical

I am finally seeing results on the scale. I was actually shocked when I stepped on the scale this morning. I'm not going to get too excited, but there was a 4 pound difference from yesterday morning! We'll see what it says the next few days to see if I actually lost that much. If my weight this morning is right, I've lost 10 pounds so far. I have about 7 more to lose to get to my 10% goal on WW.

I'm still wondering what I was doing wrong before. I'm starting to think that maybe I wasn't eating enough, and my body was holding on to my body fat. I don't know. These past 3 days on WW, I've definitely been satisfied food-wise, and haven't been hungry at night. I told my mom last night that I think WW is magic. She's going to join online too, and we'll be WW buddies. I wish she lived closer. We'd be good motivators for each other.

The gym was good last night. I met with Trainer Andy and we worked out just upper body. I'm feeling stronger, and am surprised with what my body can do. He had me doing bicep curls with 12.5lb dumbbells in front of the mirror. I have to say, I wasn't horrified by what I looked like (If only my teenage acne would go away).

I'm not really feeling a difference in my clothes yet. I'm hoping another 10 pounds will do that for me. Next week is measurements, and I'm a little nervous! What if there's no difference? I feel like there has to be, but you never know.

So, I'm trying to eat different foods this week, and get out of my food rut. I bought these low carb garlic & herb tortillas, and they're really good! Only 50 calories each, and they're high in fiber. For lunch yesterday, I made a wrap with Morningstar chick'n strips, a slice of provolone and lite mayo. I also had a cup of Progresso Light Italian-Style vegetable soup, and lima beans (which I decided I do not like).

Today I'm having the same wrap, but adding veggie bacon and lettuce. I'll post a pic after lunch.

Tonight for dinner is spaghetti squash. I bought a new kind of sauce, and I'll add Morningstar Crumblers. I haven't had pasta since I started this whole thing, so I'm looking forward to that too. Watermelon was on sale this week, so that will be my dessert if I ever decide to cut it up. That is the worst.

So happy it's almost Friday!

xoxo

UPDATE:

I wanted to show my lunch pics. This wrap was seriously delicious.

Also, I just got back from the eye doctor and my vision changed for the worse. It sucks because I have so many boxes of contacts left with my old prescription, but at least I can see now!

xoxo

I'm Pretty Much a Chef

Getting healthy is like having a second job that pays you in sore muscles and expensive grocery bills and kind of takes over your life. I wish I could get my lazy butt out of bed and exercise before work, but I don't see that happening in the near future. Allison and I were talking yesterday about how much better we feel when we're eating well and exercising. It seems pretty simple: eat right, feel good. Eat junk, feel bad. Exercising gives me energy, being lazy makes me tired. Why is it such struggle then? Why did I make the conscious effort to not exercise and eat too much those 4 days? I'm hoping through this journey and through writing this blog I'll learn more about myself and maybe figure out what's going on in this oversized head of mine.

Right before I started back at the gym, I had a meltdown on the phone with my mom. I was trying to figure out when I started gaining weight, and when my relationship with food became abnormal. I look at pictures of when I was 6 or 7, and I was skinny. I think it was 3rd or 4th grade when I first became aware that I wasn't skinny like my friends, and first became self-conscious about my upper arms. I have early memories of binging, but I can't quite remember how old I would have been. My mom puts a lot of the blame on herself, but it's not her fault. She was young when she had me, and we didn't have money growing up. We bought what we could afford, which usually wasn't the most healthy.

My brother is 7 years younger than me, and has always been skinny. My dad has always been thin too. My mom, her 4 sisters and her mom always struggled with their weight. 3 of my aunts have had gastric bypass! Out of my 7 cousins on my mom's side, 4 of them are overweight.  

Having my brother live with me the past 2 months has given me some insight on how skinny people eat. Jon is thin, but he eats like a fat kid, so he's no help. If my brother gets home from work and isn't hungry, he doesn't eat dinner. He doesn't eat just because he thinks he should. He'll make eggs and bacon, and not have toast. Not have toast? That's unheard of to me! I work in a small office, and both women I work with have very good eating habits. They'll often share sandwiches when they order takeout. The one woman always only eats half of her sandwich and saves the rest for the next day. The other woman will order a burger, but not order a side. I would love to have that kind of control, and normal relationship with food.

I've been reading a ton of weight loss blogs, and am so inspired by everyone. It's so crazy to read other people's thoughts, and find they're exactly like yours. It's nice to be able to see people's progress and struggles and know you're not alone. I've also come across recipes that I'm dying to try. Allison and I are making one in particular on Friday, so I'll let you know how it goes.

Last night I attempted to make homemade black bean burgers. I've made them in the past, but never loved them. I couldn't find one recipe that I liked all of the ingredients, so I sort of winged it. They tasted really good, but wouldn't stay together. I put the rest on a cookie sheet in the fridge, so they might firm up a little bit and be easier to cook.

 Andrea's Black Bean Burgers

-1 tbsp olive oil

-1/2 large green pepper, diced

-1 small onion, diced

-1 tbsp minced garlic

-1/4 cup green onions (just the top)

-1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs

-1 egg white (this may have been what made them too soft, not sure)

-2 cans black beans, rinsed

-2 tsp chili powder (I don't know if it was actually 2 tsp, I don't think it was more than a           

  tbsp though)

-red pepper flakes

-Frank's Red Hot

I sautéed the pepper, onion and garlic in the olive oil. I originally wasn't planning on using a food processer, but changed my mind half way. One can of beans, I mashed with my hands, and left the other can whole. I don't know if that made a difference or not, but I wanted some whole beans in the burger. I added everything to the food processer, and fried them using a non-stick skillet with a little bit of cooking spray. I flattened them so they'd cook through. They ended up breaking into pieces, but still tasted delicious. I wasn't planning on using any bread with them, so it worked out just fine. I also added some chunky salsa, fat free cheddar and a tablespoon of lite sour cream. Delicious!

 This is what happened when I tried to flip them. 

The finished product: black bean pieces!

P.S. I think these are around 3 or 4 WW points each. Not too shabby.

xoxo

You'd Better Sit Down For This One

Something shocking happened. I didn't work out last night. It turns out the possibility of bad weather just in time for my commute home turned into a pretty big snowstorm. We got around 8 inches of snow from 4pm to midnight. It took me 3 times as long to get home, and it was super scary. I was so stressed by the time I actually made it, my whole body ached.  I wanted to go grocery shopping, but the roads were getting worse by the minute so I made due with what I had. I made a tuna melt with a Weight Watchers bagel, and a bowl of Progresso Light Vegetable soup. Not horrible, but I did add saltines. Also, I had to use my brother's regular fat American cheese, because I was out. I went over my daily points by a few on my first day! Failure. Oh, and my brother brought home Samoa Girl Scout cookies. I wish I could say I resisted. I felt pretty bingey last night.

Being off track these past few days has really had an affect on me. I've been feeling down, and really hard on myself. I'm hoping that being back at the gym and training with Andy will help get me back into the swing of things.

So, the snowstorm… I was 45 minutes late for work this morning. It was a super scary commute, and it took me 20 minutes just to clean off my car. The city just doesn't get plowed like the suburbs. Hopefully they'll have everything cleared by the time I'm done working. The sun is shining, but it's still cold out today. Tomorrow's high is 42 I think.

Also, I'm having a very frustrating day at work for a bunch of reasons. I know it's just me. I feel very on edge today.

Hopefully tomorrow is a little better.

xoxo

Forgive Me Readers, For I Have Binged

Well, this weekend has not been kind to me (read: I have not been kind to my body this weekend).

Friday wasn't terrible. Allison and I had to skip Zumba. We wouldn't have had time to pick up the table if we worked out. The guy ended up bringing it to the house for us anyway, but we drove out there first and he followed us back with the table in his minivan. He was the most Italian yinzer ever, and may have been in love with me. He told me to keep in touch. Will do. After the table was all safe and secure inside my house, I made us a quick salad:

-leafy green lettuce

-red peppers*

-chickpeas*

-Morningstar Italian Herb Chik'n patty

-fat free shredded cheese

-steak fries

-lite ranch dressing

-Frank's Red Hot*

*Allison wouldn't eat these items. "Chickpeas taste like balls of dirt."

We scarfed those salads down in record time, picked Jon up from work and went straight to the bar for 80 cent drafts. I was good and only had 3 beers the whole night and made it home by 1:00 or so.

Saturday I woke up and made myself a breakfast of scrambled eggs, 2 slices of veggie bacon and half of a Weight Watchers bagel with some peanut butter. Not a bad breakfast, but I didn't work out before we went to Ohio. We stopped at a convenience store to get coffee (well, for me to get coffee and water and Jon to get Krispy Kreme donuts). I didn't pick at all the goodies Jon's grandma always has at her house, which was hard to do. For dinner, I had hoped to go to the Olive Garden and get their soup and salad for my meal (the breadsticks were going to be my cheat portion of the meal). It was super packed and had a 45 minute wait, so we decided to go to this other little Italian place where they have nothing healthy to eat. Jon ordered a white pizza, and I got an eggplant parm hoagie with fries. I had less than half of it, and 2 pieces of Jon's pizza, and only picked at the fries. There was a decent amount left on the plate, and even Jon was eating them. I did have a few pieces of candy when we got back to Jon's grandma's house, but all in all, I wasn't too disappointed in the day. Although I didn't work out, I kept my food in check waaay more than I would have before I started this process. But then we got home. I didn't want my leftovers in the house on Sunday, so I rationalized eating the rest of them and I would just start fresh the next day. Typical. So I ate the rest of my hoagie and a piece of pizza. I felt horrible, and I was mad at myself. I even woke up in the middle of the night and threw up. I think it was because my body wasn't used to all that junk food.

I woke up early the next day and had Sunday depression right away. I was mad at myself for the way I ate the day before, I didn't have any coffee in the house and didn't feel like leaving to get any. I still was planning on going to the gym when Jon went to band practice, but that never happened. Instead the couch and I became one and I hardly moved all day. It's not even that I ate too much yesterday (nowhere near my old Sunday binges), but I was still upset. I felt like Old Andrea was creeping back in. I'm thrown off track so easily. I know my bad weekend started with skipping working out Friday, even though we had to. It's just frustrating.

Today is a new day though. I decided to join Weight Watchers online again. It's worked for me in the past, and I've heard good things about their Points Plus program. So, we're moving on! I'm not going to dwell on my one bad weekend. I feel better today. The weather is supposed to get bad this afternoon/evening so I'm worried about making it to the gym, but if I can't, I'll do a workout video at home. No more excuses.

xoxo

FRIDAYFRIDAYFRIDAYFRIDAYFRIDAYFRIDAYFRIDAY

Happy Friday! I'm in a good mood today. I went to bed before 11 last night, and sleeping in a king sized bed is pretty awesome.

I bought a new scale from Amazon this week and it already was delivered!

fancy!

I tested it against my old scale to see what the difference was. New scale was .4 pounds heavier. I can live with that. So, this morning when I weighed myself, I was surprised to see that the scale went down a pound! I haven't seen that in 2 weeks!

I'm feeling really good today. My legs don't hurt as bad and seeing a new number on the scale was something I really needed. Last night Trainer Andy was a little bit sympathetic about how sore my legs were, so we focused mostly on upper body. My arms feel rubbery today, but I can at least function.

I haven't mentioned a temptation in a few days! Today's temptation is brought to you by Wolferman's (a Harry & David company). My boss hands me a bag full of english muffins, crumpets and who knows what else. They were a gift to him from someone, and he didn't want it. So, all of these delicious carbs are now a gift for the office. An english muffin party! as my boss would call it.

 I threw in the smiley cookie as an added bonus

It's fine though. I'm not going to cheat, especially not for a stupid english muffin.

Tonight is Zumba with Allison, then we're picking up my new dining room table I found on craigslist! Still debating on going out tonight. I didn't go out last weekend, and it was quite enjoyable. We're going to Ohio to visit Jon's grandma tomorrow. I do have some shopping to do since I never have time during the week, so maybe that will happen on Sunday.

I don't know if I'll be on a computer much the next few days, so have a lovely weekend

xoxo

The. Scale. Will. Not. Budge.

There is nothing I would like more than to have a happy post to write today. The good news is I'm not necessarily feeling whiny today, but still discouraged. The. Scale. Will. Not. Budge. I just don't understand. I'm still trying to stay positive and motivated, but having legs that feel like rubbery lead and struggling to sit down on the toilet to pee, and struggle more to get up from said toilet isn't helping. I'm not even really feeling a difference in my clothes. That honestly could be because I had gained a few pounds before I started this process, so I wasn't even wearing certain clothes because I knew they'd be uncomfortable. I've eliminated carbs at dinner. I did a full hour on the ellipticlimber last night. I've worked out 15 of the past 17 days. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong, if anything. I did order a new scale from Amazon yesterday. I was cheap and went with the free shipping, so I probably won't have it until the end of next week.

I know with PCOS, you're supposed to go on a reduced carb diet, as your body has trouble processing insulin. I'm going to continue with my current eating the rest of this week, and if by Monday morning the scale still doesn't budge, I'll reduce more carbs next week.

I know I'm getting healthy, and that is also very very important to me, but I also don't want to spend another summer fat. I want cute sleeveless tops and I want this to look good on me:

 Ok, enough of that. I'm meeting with Trainer Andy again tonight. I hope he listens to me when I tell him I physically cannot do any leg work. Arms and abs hopefully will be our focus.

I am so ready for the weekend! Tomorrow is supposed to be 62 degrees! Holy crap.

xoxo

Warning: Whiny Post Ahead: Part II

Today is rough already. My legs are so sore, it's hard to walk. I stayed up too late last night and I'm exhausted and my stomach feels weird. Day 2 of being whiny! Yay!

(note: I wrote this paragraph first thing in the morning - feeling much better now)

I didn't have training until 6:30 last night, so I did 50 minutes on the ellipticlimber (my new term for it) beforehand. I can definitely tell that my body is getting stronger and I'm able to do higher resistances. It was a good feeling. Then I went to the downstairs of the gym to meet Andy. He is a sadist, BUT he has me do things I never thought my body was capable of doing. I talked to him a little bit about how I'm frustrated with the scale. He said that since this much exercise is new to my body, there's a really good chance my body is in shock. I hope that's all it is. He had me do a billion squats combined with arm work. I did some dead lifts with a 25lb kettle bell. It was a rough one.

Even though the scale not reflecting my hard work really sucks, I do feel good. I've been eating perfectly, my back seems to be getting stronger, and I haven't had any real problems with it (knock on wood). This past Friday and Saturday it felt a little off, but I rested Sunday and I'm good as new I've ever been.

Not much else of note today. I have no idea how I'm going to workout with the way my legs feel. I'm going to take some ibuprofen around 4 and hopefully it helps.

xoxo

Warning: Whiny Post Ahead

Soooo, I'm starting to feel a little discouraged. I've never worked so hard to lose weight and I don't feel I'm seeing the results I should. I know what my problem is: all of the weight loss shows I watch where these people are in a controlled environment and working out 6-8 hours a day and losing 10 pounds a week. Clearly, that's not possible for me. Part of me knows that, but part of me is being whiny about it and wants to see results faster.

This being my third week of my new, healthier life, I've decided to significantly reduce my carb intake at dinner to see if that helps the scale. I'm not sure if it will be next week or the following week that my trainer will take my measurements. I'm hoping I at least see some results with that. I'd really like people to start to notice that I'm losing weight, just for that motivation. It's always so nice to for someone to ask if you've been losing weight.

 I suffer from PCOS, so I'm anxious to see what losing weight does for that. I've had a bad back for years and years, and within the past few years my knees have started to bother me. Too much for a 27 year old. My weight has held me back from things and is ruining my health. I'm done. I'm over food being my go to "cure" for every emotion I'm feeling. My biggest fear is that I'll never have a normal relationship with food, but it's ok. I'm on the right track and I'm working hard and that's all I can do.

I am not giving up. Maybe I need to up my cardio. I did do a full hour on the treadmill last night. 5.0 incline and 3.0 speed. Today I'll probably do my elliptical thing since I'm training after my cardio. It's going to be a rough night.

That is all for now; I'm very whiny sleepy this morning.

xoxo

Oh Monday, You're Not So Bad

Hola, lovers. Happy Monday. For as much as I hate Mondays, today doesn't seem so bad. It's gorgeous, sunny and almost 50 degrees this morning. And I don't have a FOOD HANGOVER. For those of you who aren't me or Allison, that's the gross feeling you have after eating too much on a Sunday. For as long as Jon and I have been together, Sundays have been kind of a lazy, pig out kind of day. There will be no more of that. My cheat meal of the week was Saturday night when Jon and I celebrated our very low key Valentine's Day. We ordered fresh rolls from this Thai place near my office, and Chinese food from this deliciously cheap hole in the wall place right down the street. For dessert, we had these all natural chocolate chip cookies. Not the greatest tasting cookies I've ever had, but it kept me from pigging out on them, so it was fine. We watched a movie and caught up on some TV shows from the past week. Also, we watched the final 2 episodes of Lost. We started watching it back in August, I think and we finally finished the series. As of last night, Jon was still reading stuff online trying to figure everything out.

Friday after work I went to the gym. Friday evenings are pretty empty, so I was able to get a treadmill. I tried running a little bit, then I upped the incline and walked for 45 minutes. I was pouring sweat, so it must have been a good workout. I came home, and had a Smart Ones pizza and a salad for dinner. Allison came over and took some before pictures of me. We did ones of me in my black workout pants and a sports bra, and also in this super cute bathing suit I bought on clearance at target last month. The bathing suit is a large, and I've been afraid to even try it on. It wasn't horrible though, and I'm excited to see how it looks in 4 weeks when we take pics again. After the pictures, me, Jess and Allison went to see No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. Kind of cute actually.

Saturday morning Allison and I went to Zumba at Modern Formations. I really really enjoyed the class. I miss Zumba. My gym has classes a few times a week, but they never really work out well with my schedule. After that, Jon and I did some shopping - we bought a new KING SIZE MATTRESS!! and went on our weekly trip to Lowes & Target. Aaah, domesticity.

Sunday was my test. I woke up around 8 and took Murray out, then fell back asleep until 11 or so. I was very hungry by the time I woke up. I really struggled with what I wanted to eat. I knew I wasn't working out yesterday, so I didn't want to eat anything too heavy. I opted for 2 slices of veggie bacon, 2 pieces of veggie sausage, and a lite English muffin with peanut butter. Delish. For dinner, my brother and I went to my mom and Greg's house and had a lovely salad bar style dinner. So good. I have to admit though that I was feeling kind of hungry by the time I got home. I don't know if I was genuinely hungry, or just felt that I should eat more since I had eaten pretty light the whole day. Regardless, I avoided temptation and didn't snack on anything last night.Yay!

Something that's been really helping me with eating and working out is telling myself how good I'll feel after about not overeating at this meal, or not skipping the gym. It works too, because I really do feel good about myself afterward. As much as I want whatever it is at the moment, If I remind myself how proud of myself I'll be if I resist temptation, it seems to really help.

Speaking of temptation:

If you can't tell, those little gems are gourmet chocolate covered strawberries sent to the office by our architect for Valentine's Day. Constant temptations in this office. It's a good thing though. I'll never be in a controlled environment. There will always be temptations, and bad things out there for me to eat. I'm focused on a bigger goal: getting healthy and being skinnier than I was even in high school. 

Last week I was reading this one girl's weight loss blog. She talked about "the stack," which is the stack of size 14 pants she's kept and moved with her place after place in hopes of fitting into them one day. I have a stack too! I've been holding onto these size 14 jeans from Express that I've had since high school. I actually didn't like them in high school because they were a little too big. Now look at how they fit (don't mind the mess):

There was a point when I was 21 or so when I could wear them for awhile, but it didn't last and I remember them not being too comfortable. I. Will. Fit. In. These. Soon. The rest of the stack consists of a really beat up old pair from the Gap (that I imagine one day being loose enough to be my do-work-around-the-house pair), a pair of size 16 Converse brand skinny jeans from Target that I got on clearance (I can't even get them over my calves comfortably) and another size 14 jeans that have fit me for at least a little bit in the past couple of years.

They'll fit soon, I know it.

Happy Valentine's Day!

xoxo

Just Thinking That Today Is Going To Be A Good Day Puts That Horrible Black Eyed Peas Song In My Head.

Happy Friday! I feel like today is going to be a good day. It's sunny and supposed to warm up a little bit. I even wore flats today! Screw you boots.

Just a warning, I feel a long post coming on.

First up is last night's workout. It was good, nothing out of the ordinary. I really wanted to use the treadmill, but they were all full downstairs and upstairs there were actually 2 people waiting in line to use them. I refuse to stand around and wait for a machine in a gym that size. So, 40 minutes on the elliptical/stair climber hybrid thing it would be.

I was still pretty sore from training on Wednesday, so I wasn't sure how it was going to go. I was extra tired, but I made it and actually felt less sore after. I'm really proud of myself for working out this much. Every day is a constant struggle of part of me trying to talk myself out of going to the gym. Besides just the physical strain on my body, it's really time consuming. I'm gone from 7:30am to 7 or 7:30pm every day. The laundry is piling up; I still haven't put my clothes away from the last time I did laundry, and forget about cleaning. I have to keep telling myself that this will be worth it.

For dinner I had a tuna melt (with fat free cheddar) on a lite english muffin, 2 red potatoes with spray butter, parmesan cheese, a pinch of garlic powder, and a big salad. 

No dessert because it was pretty late by the time I sat down to eat. When I went grocery shopping earlier this week, I knew I wanted to buy potatoes of some sort. Potato anything is a big temptation for me as I love carbs more than life itself. I saw the 3 pound bag of red potatoes were on sale, but I didn't trust myself with a bag that size. Instead I opted for the individual potatoes and picked out 3 small ones. Fast forward to me making my dinner last night. I microwaved all 3 potatoes. I knew I shouldn't eat all 3, but what was I going to do with 1 red potato left? Why did I buy 3 anyway? Was I really that concerned about 1 measly potato? So, I didn't eat it. That was a big deal for me. Again, maybe the theme of this blog: a small victory. Jon ate it when he got home, and my little red potato didn't go to waste. I could sleep soundly.

It's definitely easier to control my environment and avoid temptations at home, than at the office. This is what is 4 feet away from my desk at any given moment:

The M&M's have been there all week (that's the 2nd bag) and my boss' uncle brought in the peppermint patties. Allison is well aware of my temptations at work as they are constant. If it's not bagels in the morning, it's pizza or subs at lunch. At least 1 person orders lunch every day. By 9:00 this morning they were already talking about ordering from the awesome Chinese place down the street. Temptations, temptations, temptations. It's ok though. 3 weeks ago I might not have been able to turn it down, but 1 lunch that will taste great but make me feel gross after isn't worth ruining all of my hard work at the gym. Plus, I'm not good at only eating half of it and saving the rest for later. I hope to be someday, but until then I need to only put in front of me what I know I can eat. My coworker told me this morning that she saw a robin on her way to work this morning. That means spring is soon followed by: (DUN DUN DUN!) summer. Ugh. Heat, short sleeves, not being able to hide in a cardigan, everything I hate about summer. It's on its way and this year I will be ready for it!

Tonight is the gym, dinner, Allison coming over to take some before pictures of me (this is serious), and a late movie with Allison, Jess and maybe Darrin. I'm excited!

xoxo

The Nineties

Holy crap. I. Am. So. Sore. I think my shoulders are the worst. Andy had me doing all sorts of crazy pushup type things and kettle bell things and other painful things. I feel like my arms definitely got a good workout, which as you all know, my arms are my least favorite thing about myself. Allison calls flabby upper arm fat, "bingo arms." Haha. I always say it's karma, because when I was little I used to bat my great aunt's arm fat back and forth for fun (it didn't take much). She told me just to wait until I was older. (I'm pretty sure she didn't mean my twenties though.)

So yes, I made it through my first official training session with Andy. He's very nice. Loves to talk about himself, which is fine because I don't feel like talking while lunging.

Food wise, I did fine yesterday. Oatmeal for breakfast, egg salad on a bagel thin for lunch. Special K makes these new chip/cracker things that I bought. You can have 27 chips for 110 calories. I don't know why they didn't reduce the serving size to 25 chip to make it 100 calories. I only packed half a serving anyway. It was good for a 55 calorie snack. I also had grapes and a string cheese throughout the day. By dinner, I was exhausted. I ate the rest of my egg salad (Travis' favorite food) and had some veggie sausage and bacon, and a lite english muffin with some peanut butter. No veggies for dinner unfortunately. For dessert, I had a Klondike 100 calorie ice cream sandwich type thing. They are very good for being diet-y!

Also, finally the scale at the gym is starting to match up weight loss wise with my scale at home. 5 pounds lost at the gym, and 6 at home. I'll take it!

I'd say the biggest change I've made is more veggies. I've been buying these frozen veggie medley things. I think Green Giant makes them. There are all different kinds for weight management, healthy vision, antioxidant blend, etc… I haven't had one I don't like yet. I don't love cooked carrots, so I usually don't eat those and save a few calories.

Also, I've been buying just a small bunch of leafy lettuce or romaine from Giant Eagle, as opposed to the pre-packaged bags of salads. To me it tastes better, and doesn't go bad as quickly. And it's cheaper!

Last night I watched the Biggest Loser and I Used To Be Fat. BL was annoying, although I still love this cast a billion times more than last season's. I Used To Be Fat was good. The girl seemed nice and she had a good family, unlike a lot of the people on that show. She lost 40 pounds over the summer and went on to lose another 30 or 35 her first semester in college. She looked great at the final reveal, but this is what Allison and I had to say via text message:

Me: Her hair and outfit are terrible. But she looks good.    

Allison: …yeah she did look good and 90s        

Me: Very 90s. Maybe she got her outfit at Deb.

Allison: I'm positive it was Deb.        

    

   

                                                                                

Well, back to work. I think I'm going to try some running on the treadmill tonight. Spice things up bit.

xoxo

I Learned to Cook at the Gym

Last Monday I met with a trainer at my gym, signed up and have actually been going to the gym daily. I'm in the process of doing a complete overhaul on my eating habits, and trying to figure out how I got to this point. I want to say that this time feels different, but lord knows I've been here (a million times) before. I figure this is a good way for my friends and family to help keep me accountable, plus I like writing and stopped doing it a long time ago for some reason. Enjoy! Or not. Whatevs.

Yesterday was a little bit of a struggle. I felt like I ate too much at lunch time, and I was nervous for my first day of training with Andy. I actually don't think I did eat too much - but once I get something in my head I'm very strict with myself. Allison and I talk all the time about how we have an all or nothing attitude with weight loss. It's not good. I did manage to avoid snacking on any of the office goodies. Small victory.

At 5:00 I rushed to get to the gym for my 5:30 training. We're supposed to warm up a few minutes with some cardio before training, so I found an open treadmill and walked at an incline for about 5 minutes. I head over to the training desk and find Andy only to learn that either my name had been erased from the book, or maybe I had written it down on the wrong day/person. (Side note: I wrote my name where Andy told me to write my name.) I was really annoyed. I'd say about 90% of me wanted to just call it a day and go home. As I was walking away from the desk, I started coming up with reasons to just leave the gym:

I forgot my headphones in the car (which was a billion miles away in the parking garage).

I needed to go grocery shopping.

I've been doing really well, so what's wrong with skipping tonight?

I'll just take my dog on a long walk.

I've been very aware of my excuse making skills lately. This time I made a conscious effort to talk myself out of talking myself out of working out.

I forgot my headphones in the car - I could go into the women only part of the gym where they have a tv with sound on (more on that later).

I needed to go grocery shopping. - I didn't need to go that badly. I had food for dinner and my lunch the next day.

I've been doing really well, so what's wrong with skipping tonight? - 8 days of eating well and working out does not mean I can afford to skip a day.

I'll just take my dog on a long walk. ­- It was 10 degrees last night. Never happening.

So, through a series of inner monologues, I convinced myself to stay and workout. I went into the ladies only room and suffered through it. They don't have my favorite machine in there, and someone thinks it's a good idea to put cooking shows on tv while women are exercising, but it ended up being a really good workout. I've been pushing myself more and more each workout. It's such a good feeling.

I went home, and made a delicious Pittsburgh-style "chicken" salad. It had leafy green lettuce, red peppers, cucumbers, chick peas, fat-free cheddar cheese, steak fries (a serving of steak fries is only 110 calories, surprisingly) and the Quorn soy free chicken breasts. I don't love that brand of fake chicken, but Giant Eagle stopped selling the Morningstar Chik'n Strips. I haven't looked much into it, maybe Morningstar stopped making them. Who knows. Also, Wishbone makes a decent light ranch dressing with only 40 calories per serving. Jon and I had this for dinner on Saturday night. So good.

Around 8:00 Jess stopped by for a visit. It was so nice to see her. Her baby bump is pretty freaking adorable.

A day that started out as a struggle ended up being an alright day. As of this morning (according to my scale at home) I'm down about 6 pounds.

xoxo